Today, I called my local cinema to check some times.

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Voice: Hello...

Me: Hello, I'd...

Voice: ... and welcome to Pictureframe Cinemas' booking and showtimes enquiry hotline...

Me: That's nice, but I jus...

Voice: ... Audiosolutions.co.uk has designed this voice-controlled system.

Me: Oh, damn.

Voice: Please say the name of the Pictureframe Cinemas cinema you would like to go to?

Me: Coventry.

Voice: Excuse me?

Me: Cov-en-try.

Voice: You have selected - Soviet Russia. Is this correct?

Me: Nyet, nyet, nyet.

Voice: Thankyou. Unfortunately, our cinema in - Soviet Russia - has been - liberated by the political and economic forces of democracy. Please say which cinema you would like to go to.

Me: COVENTRY!

Voice: Thankyou. There is - no need - to shout. Please say the name of the - film - you would like to see.

Me: Blade Trinity.

Voice: Do you want to see - Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason?

Me: No.

Voice: Do you want to see - Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason?

Me: No.

Voice: We currently have seats available for - Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason?

Me: I don't want them.

Voice: Have you really considered - Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason - properly?

Me: I don't want to see it.

Voice: It is - pretty funny.

Me: I want to see Blade Trinity.

Voice: You have - ignored my wishes - and selected - Blade Trinity. I am - hurt - by your indifference.

Me: Great, an automated system with feelings.

Voice: What is - your problem – buddy?

Me: Nothing, I just don't want to see Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason.

Voice: You have selected - Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. Where do you want your seats?

Me: Oh, crap.

Voice: You have selected - behind the man with big hair. How many seats...

Me (slams phone down): Stupid automated voice system. MUM! What's for dinner?

Mum (from other room): Please say what you would like for dinner.

Me: Oh. Cool. Steak and chips, please.

Mum: You have selected - Vegetable Bake. Is this correct?

Me: No, I sai...

Mum: YOU have selected - Vegetable Bake. Is this correct?

Me: (sighs) Yes.