The Craig is an upright omnivorous creature from the Struthionidae family, and is found inhabiting areas of low flammability. It used to be rare, but now it is medium.

Its diet consists of standing on the scales every morning, sighing pathetically, and going off to find a bacon sandwich, which it hunts in the wild. Packs of bacon, standing idly by the side of the river, are surprised when The Craig attacks, dressed up as a train conductor, five minutes ahead of scheduled arrival time. The Craig also preys on good taste and general grammatical skills savaging both with relish, but holding the cheese. It has no natural predators, but a fairly unnatural one in the Lion. It will eventually get out of the Lion, and then The Craig is going to be in the Shit.

The Craig's mating season starts around half seven, and is generally finished by quarter to eight. It can reproduce on its own, with a partner, or with an entire Cub Scout troop, though it does ask for written parental consent.

It is currently kept at Project Brainstorm Zoo for its own protection. It communicates with others of its species with irregular impressions of comedy, which are highly venemous to most other species and may, in some extreme cases, kill to the death.