In a significant turn of events, the judge in the Michael Jackson case has today ruled that the prosecution may introduce previous allegations of sexual abuse into the trial. Furthermore, they may call anyone they feel like, regardless of whether or not they have any connection to the case.

Among the proposed witnesses are former child superstar Macaulay Culkin, who denies ever having been molested, Jordan Chandler, who dropped all charges in exchange for a pile of money taller that he was, and an unnamed 39-year old from Kentucky who bought a copy of the album 'Thriller' in 1987 and didn't like it.

Jackson's lawyers reacted angrily to the decision. "This is ridiculous." said one, "It's a clear attempt to undermine Michael with character assassination. That Kentucky guy has never even met him. He's obviously just trying to make a name for himself."

Defence attorneys did, however, manage to disqualify the testimony of former president Thomas Jefferson on the grounds that he died in 1826.

"Shucks," commented District Attorney Thomas Sneddon, "having Jefferson on the stand? That would'a knocked the jury dead. No one's gonna accuse him of lying."

In a press conference shortly after the decision, Judge Rodney Melville denied that the case was turning into a circus, before riding away on a unicycle while juggling.