The Definitive Harry Potter Spoilers
As we approach the release of the new Harry Potter book, fans across the world are desperate to get some small clues into what incredible adventures await our bespectacled hero and his two repressed teen love interests. Through detailed research, I believe I have come up with some definitive spoilers for the book for those who just can't wait any longer.
With so much expectation, Rowling has left herself a huge task in this episode. Many fans believe this will be the one that ties all the links between the previous five books, but this in itself is no small task. The first problem for her is the role of the title character, the Half Blood Prince. Having established that this is neither Harry nor his nemesis, Lord Voldemort, we have also been able to establish it is none of the teachers at the school, any of the wildlife that lives in the woods and effectively all of the population of Inverness, who were fairly surprised to find themselves suspected in the first place.
We can infer one clue: he is a Prince of Half Blood. The other half of the Prince is probably treacle, or some sort of pasta. This rounds down the search considerably, though it does add a small portion of the population of Inverness back onto the suspects list. One thing we do know for certain is that during the story, he changes his name to an ancient magical symbol, and spends the remainder of the book being known as the Artist Formerly Known As The Half Blood Prince. We also know that he will be killed during the book when a bit of potion reacts badly with his blood or pasta or treacle.
Much of the story in this book will revolve around Sirius Black, who I believe is not the Prince either. Readers will remember that Sirius died in book five, which necessitates a certain amount of explanation. One explanation that I think is definitely, totally going to be in the book is that he kept himself from becoming fully dead by the desire to clear his name of murdering the Potters and a whole host of minor parking offences. Sirius really develops into a father figure in this book, spending long hours nursing Harry back to full health after a particularly tragic Quidditch accident. At the Christmas dinner, Harry eats so much that his new rounder figure is mistaken for a Bludger during a game and is attacked mid air by two Beaters who don't notice his pathetic cries for help. Hermione, as ever, is the first to notice the mistake after a couple minutes, and goes off to work on a spell to save Harry. This takes a little over two months and by the time she emerges, the Beaters have left to have a sandwich and the rest of the story is almost done.
As has become tradition, there will be a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year. The most interesting and therefore most likely suggestion is that Professor Dumbledore takes the job because he realises it's probably time he helped out with the one area of the curriculum that actually seems to come in handy every year. During the classes, they learn of the ancient skill of Running. They are taught that when they see someone likely to Avada Kedavra them something rotten, they should use their instincts to pick a direction that is not where the threat is, and Run in it. Dumbledore, despite his advanced years, coaches Harry in some advanced Running, helping to explain why he has still not been Avada Kedavra-ed after all this time. It comes in handy when Harry finally faces Voldemort and Runs so well that the curse misses by a long way. In his anger, Voldermort Avada Kerdavras Dumbledore in the back, when he wanders out to see how Harry was getting on.
One more recent rumour is that the new book features a greater emphasis on magic. By this, I don't mean the false sorcery seen in previous books, but the much purer art of card tricks and the use of a magic hat. In one leaked section, Harry attempts to win back Cho Chang by placing Neville's hand under a handkerchief and hitting it with a hammer. However, not only does it break in nine places, despite the promises made by Harry to Neville the previous day over a croissant breakfast in the Great Hall, but the pain drives him over to the Other Side, and he starts a Junior Death Eater Club which meets secretly during lunchtimes.
The observant will note that the books have been getting longer with each edition. The first story was a mere fifteen pages long, with one page dedicated to an illustration of Harry's scar and the final fourteen pages given up to an appendix on the use of magic. The second was longer at over a hundred pages, boosted by Ron becoming progressively more terrified and screaming incessantly for pages at a time. As time has gone on, more and more paper has be used to convey approximately the same amount of story, and this edition is no exception. Reports of over thousand pages have been unable to fit through my letter box, so I can't specify exactly how long the book will be, but I can assure you, it will be pretty big. It's also assured to be the best book you read all year and will probably clean up at the Oscars next year. The Oscar for Book.
With so much expectation, Rowling has left herself a huge task in this episode. Many fans believe this will be the one that ties all the links between the previous five books, but this in itself is no small task. The first problem for her is the role of the title character, the Half Blood Prince. Having established that this is neither Harry nor his nemesis, Lord Voldemort, we have also been able to establish it is none of the teachers at the school, any of the wildlife that lives in the woods and effectively all of the population of Inverness, who were fairly surprised to find themselves suspected in the first place.
We can infer one clue: he is a Prince of Half Blood. The other half of the Prince is probably treacle, or some sort of pasta. This rounds down the search considerably, though it does add a small portion of the population of Inverness back onto the suspects list. One thing we do know for certain is that during the story, he changes his name to an ancient magical symbol, and spends the remainder of the book being known as the Artist Formerly Known As The Half Blood Prince. We also know that he will be killed during the book when a bit of potion reacts badly with his blood or pasta or treacle.
Much of the story in this book will revolve around Sirius Black, who I believe is not the Prince either. Readers will remember that Sirius died in book five, which necessitates a certain amount of explanation. One explanation that I think is definitely, totally going to be in the book is that he kept himself from becoming fully dead by the desire to clear his name of murdering the Potters and a whole host of minor parking offences. Sirius really develops into a father figure in this book, spending long hours nursing Harry back to full health after a particularly tragic Quidditch accident. At the Christmas dinner, Harry eats so much that his new rounder figure is mistaken for a Bludger during a game and is attacked mid air by two Beaters who don't notice his pathetic cries for help. Hermione, as ever, is the first to notice the mistake after a couple minutes, and goes off to work on a spell to save Harry. This takes a little over two months and by the time she emerges, the Beaters have left to have a sandwich and the rest of the story is almost done.
As has become tradition, there will be a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher this year. The most interesting and therefore most likely suggestion is that Professor Dumbledore takes the job because he realises it's probably time he helped out with the one area of the curriculum that actually seems to come in handy every year. During the classes, they learn of the ancient skill of Running. They are taught that when they see someone likely to Avada Kedavra them something rotten, they should use their instincts to pick a direction that is not where the threat is, and Run in it. Dumbledore, despite his advanced years, coaches Harry in some advanced Running, helping to explain why he has still not been Avada Kedavra-ed after all this time. It comes in handy when Harry finally faces Voldemort and Runs so well that the curse misses by a long way. In his anger, Voldermort Avada Kerdavras Dumbledore in the back, when he wanders out to see how Harry was getting on.
One more recent rumour is that the new book features a greater emphasis on magic. By this, I don't mean the false sorcery seen in previous books, but the much purer art of card tricks and the use of a magic hat. In one leaked section, Harry attempts to win back Cho Chang by placing Neville's hand under a handkerchief and hitting it with a hammer. However, not only does it break in nine places, despite the promises made by Harry to Neville the previous day over a croissant breakfast in the Great Hall, but the pain drives him over to the Other Side, and he starts a Junior Death Eater Club which meets secretly during lunchtimes.
The observant will note that the books have been getting longer with each edition. The first story was a mere fifteen pages long, with one page dedicated to an illustration of Harry's scar and the final fourteen pages given up to an appendix on the use of magic. The second was longer at over a hundred pages, boosted by Ron becoming progressively more terrified and screaming incessantly for pages at a time. As time has gone on, more and more paper has be used to convey approximately the same amount of story, and this edition is no exception. Reports of over thousand pages have been unable to fit through my letter box, so I can't specify exactly how long the book will be, but I can assure you, it will be pretty big. It's also assured to be the best book you read all year and will probably clean up at the Oscars next year. The Oscar for Book.
