The Catholic Church is today reeling from the news that, just hours after investing Pope Benedict XVI, his value has collapsed and he is now next to worthless.

"We felt that we should try to capitalise on John Paul's tireless work over the last 27 years," explained Cardinal Angelo Sodano, "and so we opted for high-risk, high-return stock in an online casino. We never thought this would happen. We thought our faith in God would see us through."

But the investment turned sour when the NASDAQ dropped sharply in the mid-afternoon. At the beginning of the day the 78-year old Pontiff was valued at $12m, about the size of a settlement to an abused altar boy. The stock is currently worth only $20, or about the price of enough communion wine to get near the poor kid in the first place.

The leaders of other religions have reacted with muted sniggering. "I'm not saying it was divine intervention," commented Rome's chief rabbi, Riccardo Segni, "but you've got to admit it's pretty poor timing to launch your papacy during Passover. That kind of thing could tick a deity off a little."

The one true God did not return messages left with his office and was unavailable for comment.