A Third Letter
It may have been mentioned in the past that I have been sponsoring a child in the developing world, the President of Kualatumba, and we have exchanged letters like other people exchange correspondence. However, even though I replied quickly to his last letter, a reply was not immediate. I obviously assumed that this was the last I was to hear from the child. This morning, however, I got a reply. Please find below two letters.
---------------------
Dear Jalab,
I continue to applaud your efforts in developing your developing country. It is important to remember that developing takes a lot of time, and while it is tempting to try to fit it in during one lunch break, it comes out much better if you pick it up in the next couple of days.
The advances you have made with the economy are impressive: establishing a currency and implementing the system of goods exchange through it is no easy task. I do, however, advise you to find a unit that does not also double up as a food source. Current thinking suggests that a unit of money should be divisible, convenient, recognisable and not good as a dessert.
I also believe you should think strongly about the control you have. As your country grows, maintaining order will become more and more difficult. You cannot be in more than one place at a time. Think about developing some sort of police force, a code of laws for your people to follow, and a court of justice. Prevention, as they say, is better than the cure, and also the asthma.
Yours sincerely,
Craig Holmes
---------------------
Dear Mr Craig,
I apologise sincerely for not writing sooner. I have been very busy. I must also confess that I did not at first agree with your last letter. I thought that I could have a country without strict regimented rules, but instead trust in the good instincts of my people to live in a civilised way.
However, as the last month has shown me, this was a mistake. Three weeks ago, crime broke out, completely unexpectedly. In the little village of Pilaa, twenty miles north-south of my own village, a chicken was set on fire. Quickly I asked one of my advisors to become Minister of Law, and his Ministry established a small police force. You may remember I talked about our unemployment problem, Laco, who is a local Pilaa man. He joined as a constable and was put in charge of the roasted chicken investigation. The attacks did not stop. Indeed, they continued to occur, all at times when Laco was off-duty. After a while, Laco was fired for being unable to stop the heinous acts. The frequency of the burnings doubled. Laco was rehired and given double the number of hours' work. The attacks stopped entirely.
Our Ministry for Law has been busy since this time, so busy in fact they haven't been able to catch their breath. Prevention, as you say, is indeed ultimately better than asthma. Firstly, it codified all the tribal laws of our country, modernising them where necessary. Under the old rules, stealing was not permitted on a Sunday. In the west, the rule was that stealing was not permitted on a Wednesday. The stupidity of these laws is self-evident, so now stealing is not allowed on a Sunday or a Wednesday. Indeed, though it may seem harsh, the Law frowns upon stealing on other days too. In truth, the frowning is actually done by a woman called Ballula, who has a particularly stern frown. Men on the way to the Frown have been known to completely break down.
I now believe it is important to create laws that completely ensure the safety and security of my countrymen. We now have strict laws on immigration, and have aimed to prevent anyone going through our borders without the correct documentation. We have had some problems deciding where our borders are exactly, so to be on the safe side the border guard is currently surrounding my hut. I am pleased to report immigration into my hut is at an all time low. One man was arrested somewhere near the bathroom, but he turned out to be my mother. She is due to be sentenced later this month.
The Ministry asked me to be the Chief Judge. As a twelve year old, I was naturally worried about merging the legal and administration powers of government, until I made a law that it was okay to be both President and Chief Judge, providing both roles were not referred to in the first person in any sentence. As Chief Judge, I approved the President's new law and saw that it was implemented fully. As President, I thanked the Chief Judge for his swift decision in a letter. I never got the letter from the President. Relations between the two offices remain friendly.
And so, with another obstacle overcome, I continue to look to the future. In keeping with the idea that prevention is better than the cure and also than the asthma, I now worry about the well-being of my people so, when Nuyafaf returns from sick leave, I have asked him to head my new Department of Health. The first challenge for it is to make sure everyone has access to clean drinking water. One project to dig a well began two weeks ago; by this point we estimate the hole to be three hundred feet deep. We have started to worry about the men at the bottom who show no signs of stopping. We have shouted down the hole to see if they are okay, but it is likely that the words are going so fast by the time they have fallen three hundred feet that the men never catch what we are saying. To help, we have been lowering buckets of water filled from the nearby lake so that they don't get thirsty.
Yours,
Jalab Rumadumanana
President of Kualatumba
---------------------
Dear Jalab,
I continue to applaud your efforts in developing your developing country. It is important to remember that developing takes a lot of time, and while it is tempting to try to fit it in during one lunch break, it comes out much better if you pick it up in the next couple of days.
The advances you have made with the economy are impressive: establishing a currency and implementing the system of goods exchange through it is no easy task. I do, however, advise you to find a unit that does not also double up as a food source. Current thinking suggests that a unit of money should be divisible, convenient, recognisable and not good as a dessert.
I also believe you should think strongly about the control you have. As your country grows, maintaining order will become more and more difficult. You cannot be in more than one place at a time. Think about developing some sort of police force, a code of laws for your people to follow, and a court of justice. Prevention, as they say, is better than the cure, and also the asthma.
Yours sincerely,
Craig Holmes
---------------------
Dear Mr Craig,
I apologise sincerely for not writing sooner. I have been very busy. I must also confess that I did not at first agree with your last letter. I thought that I could have a country without strict regimented rules, but instead trust in the good instincts of my people to live in a civilised way.
However, as the last month has shown me, this was a mistake. Three weeks ago, crime broke out, completely unexpectedly. In the little village of Pilaa, twenty miles north-south of my own village, a chicken was set on fire. Quickly I asked one of my advisors to become Minister of Law, and his Ministry established a small police force. You may remember I talked about our unemployment problem, Laco, who is a local Pilaa man. He joined as a constable and was put in charge of the roasted chicken investigation. The attacks did not stop. Indeed, they continued to occur, all at times when Laco was off-duty. After a while, Laco was fired for being unable to stop the heinous acts. The frequency of the burnings doubled. Laco was rehired and given double the number of hours' work. The attacks stopped entirely.
Our Ministry for Law has been busy since this time, so busy in fact they haven't been able to catch their breath. Prevention, as you say, is indeed ultimately better than asthma. Firstly, it codified all the tribal laws of our country, modernising them where necessary. Under the old rules, stealing was not permitted on a Sunday. In the west, the rule was that stealing was not permitted on a Wednesday. The stupidity of these laws is self-evident, so now stealing is not allowed on a Sunday or a Wednesday. Indeed, though it may seem harsh, the Law frowns upon stealing on other days too. In truth, the frowning is actually done by a woman called Ballula, who has a particularly stern frown. Men on the way to the Frown have been known to completely break down.
I now believe it is important to create laws that completely ensure the safety and security of my countrymen. We now have strict laws on immigration, and have aimed to prevent anyone going through our borders without the correct documentation. We have had some problems deciding where our borders are exactly, so to be on the safe side the border guard is currently surrounding my hut. I am pleased to report immigration into my hut is at an all time low. One man was arrested somewhere near the bathroom, but he turned out to be my mother. She is due to be sentenced later this month.
The Ministry asked me to be the Chief Judge. As a twelve year old, I was naturally worried about merging the legal and administration powers of government, until I made a law that it was okay to be both President and Chief Judge, providing both roles were not referred to in the first person in any sentence. As Chief Judge, I approved the President's new law and saw that it was implemented fully. As President, I thanked the Chief Judge for his swift decision in a letter. I never got the letter from the President. Relations between the two offices remain friendly.
And so, with another obstacle overcome, I continue to look to the future. In keeping with the idea that prevention is better than the cure and also than the asthma, I now worry about the well-being of my people so, when Nuyafaf returns from sick leave, I have asked him to head my new Department of Health. The first challenge for it is to make sure everyone has access to clean drinking water. One project to dig a well began two weeks ago; by this point we estimate the hole to be three hundred feet deep. We have started to worry about the men at the bottom who show no signs of stopping. We have shouted down the hole to see if they are okay, but it is likely that the words are going so fast by the time they have fallen three hundred feet that the men never catch what we are saying. To help, we have been lowering buckets of water filled from the nearby lake so that they don't get thirsty.
Yours,
Jalab Rumadumanana
President of Kualatumba
