The Video Shop
Today I went to the video shop.
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Me: Hi, I'm looking for a video.
Assistant: We haven't got it in right now.
Me: Oh. Well, what about a different one.
Assistant: Just given the last copy to the elderly gentleman with the ponytail.
Me: Damn. Don't I get it free next time I come in?
Assistant: Yes, you do, but you'll still have to return it 24 hours from now.
Me: OK, but I still need something for tonight.
Assistant: Well, what about something off the new release list? Like this one?
Me: (reading) "Tony is a plasterer from Wigan. Lana is a CIA agent. A chance meeting shakes up both of their worlds, as they find each other, and find love."
Assistant: Or this one?
Me: (reading) "One day in March 2003, respected businessman Roger Simons stepped out of his office, which was on the fourteenth floor. Halfway down he meets Jennifer, a secretary who has just been fired and can no longer pay her mortgage. A heartwrenching story of two people looking for a way out, and instead find love. Running time: 1 minute 47 seconds".
Assistant: Nice and short.
Me: Well, they've not got much space to write on the back of here. OK, you tell me, what's good?
Assistant: Lots of things. A balanced diet, regular exercise, remembering to call your mother regularly, planning your finances for the future...
Me: Do you have that last one on DVD?
Assistant: Let me check...yes, here it is.
Me: (reading) "One fund's struggle to maintain a steady growth path and return a decent profit when it matures, and find love." Actually, I think I did see this with my mother.
Assistant: Any good?
Me: Yeah, she's OK. I do like foreign films, if you've got any?
Assistant: We have this French one: "Tony est un platrier de Wigan. Lana est un agent de la CIA. Une reunion de chance secoue..."
Me: And they trouve l'amour?
Assistant: How did you know?
Me: I have no idea. I don't even speak German. Look, do you have any videos where people don't fall in love at the end?
Assistant: We have this.
Me: What is it?
Assistant: The health and safety video. I'm supposed to watch it as part of my induction, but you could watch it for me, and tell me what happens.
Me: And it's not a love story?
Assistant: No. Actually, it's quite tragic. The new assistant doesn't know the health and safety procedures, so when the fire alarm goes off, he accidentally locks himself inside a video case instead of proceeding in an orderly fashion to the nearest marked exit.
Me: Sounds terrifying. OK, I'll take it.
Assistant: Here you go.
Me: Can't I have the case?
Assistant: I'm afraid not. Store procedure. I need it in case of a fire.
----------
Me: Hi, I'm looking for a video.
Assistant: We haven't got it in right now.
Me: Oh. Well, what about a different one.
Assistant: Just given the last copy to the elderly gentleman with the ponytail.
Me: Damn. Don't I get it free next time I come in?
Assistant: Yes, you do, but you'll still have to return it 24 hours from now.
Me: OK, but I still need something for tonight.
Assistant: Well, what about something off the new release list? Like this one?
Me: (reading) "Tony is a plasterer from Wigan. Lana is a CIA agent. A chance meeting shakes up both of their worlds, as they find each other, and find love."
Assistant: Or this one?
Me: (reading) "One day in March 2003, respected businessman Roger Simons stepped out of his office, which was on the fourteenth floor. Halfway down he meets Jennifer, a secretary who has just been fired and can no longer pay her mortgage. A heartwrenching story of two people looking for a way out, and instead find love. Running time: 1 minute 47 seconds".
Assistant: Nice and short.
Me: Well, they've not got much space to write on the back of here. OK, you tell me, what's good?
Assistant: Lots of things. A balanced diet, regular exercise, remembering to call your mother regularly, planning your finances for the future...
Me: Do you have that last one on DVD?
Assistant: Let me check...yes, here it is.
Me: (reading) "One fund's struggle to maintain a steady growth path and return a decent profit when it matures, and find love." Actually, I think I did see this with my mother.
Assistant: Any good?
Me: Yeah, she's OK. I do like foreign films, if you've got any?
Assistant: We have this French one: "Tony est un platrier de Wigan. Lana est un agent de la CIA. Une reunion de chance secoue..."
Me: And they trouve l'amour?
Assistant: How did you know?
Me: I have no idea. I don't even speak German. Look, do you have any videos where people don't fall in love at the end?
Assistant: We have this.
Me: What is it?
Assistant: The health and safety video. I'm supposed to watch it as part of my induction, but you could watch it for me, and tell me what happens.
Me: And it's not a love story?
Assistant: No. Actually, it's quite tragic. The new assistant doesn't know the health and safety procedures, so when the fire alarm goes off, he accidentally locks himself inside a video case instead of proceeding in an orderly fashion to the nearest marked exit.
Me: Sounds terrifying. OK, I'll take it.
Assistant: Here you go.
Me: Can't I have the case?
Assistant: I'm afraid not. Store procedure. I need it in case of a fire.
