I ask for your urgent attention, because this message will be relayed only once, or until the baton is dropped. After that, one acclaimed female author Marian Keyes will be exploded every hour until something resembling a normal Sunday service is resumed.

This is not a dead site. It is very much alive, approximately four alive. In the past two months, it has existed through the medium of mime, which your browser may not be compatible with. The problem has now been rectified with vitamins and mineral and taken twice daily. Twice daily is the verbal equivalent of three times nightly, eight times noonly, eleven times esoterically, or once with a spoon. We ask for your understanding and trousers in this matter, where this matter has the dual properties of light and sound and can be examined with a toothbrush.

This is an important lesson to be learned, and you should take two things away with you. The first is to be returned, but the second is for keeps and secret meetings. Please find enclosed a picture of brass band, slightly rusted but still in its original packaging. Replicas of the band can be ordered, but not delivered, except on proof of delivery.

We conclude with a contribution from our poetry mouse:

Odd is the man, who says 'Amen',
But doesn't have a prayer,
Odder still the cure for baldness,
From the tortoise to the hare.

Anon (a mouse)