A Fourth Letter
After such a lengthy time, I was beginning to think my sponsored child in the developing world, Jahab, was going to stop writing to me. To fill the gap this left in my life, I took up balloon arranging, but was not very good at it. My problem was with tying the knots, which left me heavily married. However, this morning, I got a letter from the young head of state.
--------------------------
Dear Mr Craig
It has been several months since we last spoke, and there is much to tell you about. I myself have been have been as busy, as you say in the West, as a bee. I do not understand this saying myself, because bees in Kualatumba are very lazy creatures, which occasionally take part time work providing sound effects for broken household appliances.
You may remember last time that I told you about our new health care policy. In the last few weeks, we have opened a fully staffed hospital and in the last few days have decided it should be fully staffed with doctors. Previously, it had been fully staffed with gardeners, but this led to a shortage of flowerbeds. Thankfully, the skills of the gardener and the doctor are fairly interchangeable, so the decision only required a new uniform and wellington boots. Already, we have had excellent results. Last week, the first operation was completed with a trowel. Before that, a man with a spinal problem was put in traction for a week, tied to a trellis running up a wall. Not only did this straighten his back, but he also experienced a growth spurt and spread into the next garden.
Our medical experts understand the importance of educating the population about health risks. Each person has been given a book on the basic health and safety risks called "Avoid Holes and Pointy Sticks". While providing a quick guide to spotting a hole or a pointy stick, there is a list of places not to take a pointy stick (such as in the bath or in the lion), and a selection of tips for those times when you find yourself falling down a hole. The best advice we can give is to land on the hair, which is most springy part of the body.
This is all a huge problem in my country. The laws of the country allow everyone to carry a pointy stick by right. Many deny that the widespread ownership of pointy sticks has anything to do with pointy stick related deaths, but that in many cases, these deaths are caused by people running away from the sharp end of a pointy stick, into a hole. This in turn is defended on the grounds that every man has the right to bear holes, which sometimes get into the hands of people who don't use them in the ways they were intended. Other people say that if there were fewer pointy sticks, there would be fewer holes anyway, especially those holes in the chest and lower abdomen regions of the country.
With backing from our neighbouring countries, we have recently begun to connect our country together. A major road will be completed soon, once the layers of concrete and tar are covered with dust track. Also, we have begun to build our first railway line to allow people to move more quickly from A to B. The two cities of A and B have been regular trading partners for a long time. A, in the north, is rich in weeds, desperately needed by the inhabitants of B, whose gardens are currently devoid of such crops. B, in exchange, is the largest producer of time pieces in the country, which are in short supply in A.
Before the new railway, deliveries of sundials were late by weeks or minutes (no one was really sure). B has also been developing a new solar powered sundial though there are concerns that this would not work on a dark day, so in many ways the old technology is superior. As yet, our train service does not have any locomotives to drag the cargo, but we are hopeful of hunting down a few on the plains fairly quickly. We have several men following their tracks right now.
I was honoured in the past month when the local people of my home village decided to build me a new hut as a tribute to the success of our country since I became president. The five-storey building was built entirely on the ground floor to save on ladders, and I am finding it comfortable, though the stairs are confusing. In my new courtyard, there is a statue of the infamous Battle of Dagabora, where our nation successfully defended itself against a hostile neighbour that has since been dissolved away by acid rain. The statue shows Kualatumban hero Rakadim in full battle gear throwing acorns at the fleeing enemy. The inscription below, written in Kualatumban, roughly translates in English to "The heroes of Dagabora send the enemy fleeing in terror of their mighty nuts." The actual nuts that were at the battle are kept in a pouch at the history museum, where they are often held by the public with great pride.
Yours,
Jalab Rumadumanana
President of Kualatumba
--------------------------
Dear Mr Craig
It has been several months since we last spoke, and there is much to tell you about. I myself have been have been as busy, as you say in the West, as a bee. I do not understand this saying myself, because bees in Kualatumba are very lazy creatures, which occasionally take part time work providing sound effects for broken household appliances.
You may remember last time that I told you about our new health care policy. In the last few weeks, we have opened a fully staffed hospital and in the last few days have decided it should be fully staffed with doctors. Previously, it had been fully staffed with gardeners, but this led to a shortage of flowerbeds. Thankfully, the skills of the gardener and the doctor are fairly interchangeable, so the decision only required a new uniform and wellington boots. Already, we have had excellent results. Last week, the first operation was completed with a trowel. Before that, a man with a spinal problem was put in traction for a week, tied to a trellis running up a wall. Not only did this straighten his back, but he also experienced a growth spurt and spread into the next garden.
Our medical experts understand the importance of educating the population about health risks. Each person has been given a book on the basic health and safety risks called "Avoid Holes and Pointy Sticks". While providing a quick guide to spotting a hole or a pointy stick, there is a list of places not to take a pointy stick (such as in the bath or in the lion), and a selection of tips for those times when you find yourself falling down a hole. The best advice we can give is to land on the hair, which is most springy part of the body.
This is all a huge problem in my country. The laws of the country allow everyone to carry a pointy stick by right. Many deny that the widespread ownership of pointy sticks has anything to do with pointy stick related deaths, but that in many cases, these deaths are caused by people running away from the sharp end of a pointy stick, into a hole. This in turn is defended on the grounds that every man has the right to bear holes, which sometimes get into the hands of people who don't use them in the ways they were intended. Other people say that if there were fewer pointy sticks, there would be fewer holes anyway, especially those holes in the chest and lower abdomen regions of the country.
With backing from our neighbouring countries, we have recently begun to connect our country together. A major road will be completed soon, once the layers of concrete and tar are covered with dust track. Also, we have begun to build our first railway line to allow people to move more quickly from A to B. The two cities of A and B have been regular trading partners for a long time. A, in the north, is rich in weeds, desperately needed by the inhabitants of B, whose gardens are currently devoid of such crops. B, in exchange, is the largest producer of time pieces in the country, which are in short supply in A.
Before the new railway, deliveries of sundials were late by weeks or minutes (no one was really sure). B has also been developing a new solar powered sundial though there are concerns that this would not work on a dark day, so in many ways the old technology is superior. As yet, our train service does not have any locomotives to drag the cargo, but we are hopeful of hunting down a few on the plains fairly quickly. We have several men following their tracks right now.
I was honoured in the past month when the local people of my home village decided to build me a new hut as a tribute to the success of our country since I became president. The five-storey building was built entirely on the ground floor to save on ladders, and I am finding it comfortable, though the stairs are confusing. In my new courtyard, there is a statue of the infamous Battle of Dagabora, where our nation successfully defended itself against a hostile neighbour that has since been dissolved away by acid rain. The statue shows Kualatumban hero Rakadim in full battle gear throwing acorns at the fleeing enemy. The inscription below, written in Kualatumban, roughly translates in English to "The heroes of Dagabora send the enemy fleeing in terror of their mighty nuts." The actual nuts that were at the battle are kept in a pouch at the history museum, where they are often held by the public with great pride.
Yours,
Jalab Rumadumanana
President of Kualatumba
