Breaking News: NASA Reports Neptune Missing 

A Missing Planets Report has been filed for Neptune, sources at NASA have revealed.

It is believed that the planet was last seen on Monday evening, around 2330 GMT. The space agency is believed to have waited the required 48 hours before filing the report, though by time everyone was starting to panic. One insider from the Missing Planets Authority commented, “It isn’t unusual for Neptune to go off like this, but it normally comes back before breakfast.” Authorities are now actively seeking the last known movements of the planet, by distributing photographs to the general public. Early hopes were dashed when claims by several people to have seen the planet using the Circle Line between Paddington and King’s Cross St. Pancras were disregarded when it turned out to be a supernova that is known in the area.

Such occurrences are much more widespread than commonly believed. In the UK alone last year, seventeen planets was reported missing, many of which actually existed. At this point, many experts think there are two likely possible explanations. Firstly, that Neptune might have gone off with a larger, older planet. Such conclusion of course carry a lot of gravity. It is also possible that Neptune has merely gotten itself lost mid-orbit. This would not be the first time this has happened in our solar system. In 1963, one of the moons of Jupiter became separated from its group and was eventually found in Gateshead, where it had become a car park.

Breaking News is personally offering a reward for any information or hastily drawn Venn diagrams that might lead to the tracking down of little Neptune. However, with every passing hour it is missing accelerates the awful conclusion that no-one will ever look at it in the sky at night again and say, “No, that’s an airplane.”