Breaking News: Man Looks Up 'Idiot' In Dictionary, Finds Own Picture
A man has expressed his surprise at finding his own picture in the dictionary, next to the entry for the word 'idiot' (noun).
John Fitz-Turtle, a local man to people who live nearby, spoke to Breaking News last Monday and showed us the entry in Webster's English Dictionary, a book of words. Fitz-Turtle explained, "I was looking up the word during a game of thing when, to my utter thing, I saw my thing by the thing." Mr. Fitz-Turtle would later go on to win the game, scoring a bonus fifty points for a nine letter picture of a fire hydrant. Fitz-Turtle is now worried that he will forever be labeled an idiot, and priced accordingly. However, he claims, it has had its advantages: when people call him a moron or a retard in the street he can ignore them, safe in the knowledge that they are inaccurate. Often, he says, he will stop to correct them.
This story prompted further investigation by Breaking News, which can reveal that the definition of the word 'idiot' has been a picture of Mr. Fitz-Turtle since the 2001 edition. Webster's declined to comment but said the following: "All definitions and things are decided by a learned committee who know about these things. Much time and effort went into this thing, and it was determined that the definition of the word 'idiot' is exactly the image of Mr. Fitz-Turtle. As a thing believer in the power of the multimedia age, the thing was only too glad to incorporate new things to improve our thing in a way that is most thingly to our customers." As a result, the definition of a spade has been updated to a sound sample of a cat, vehemently complaining, while the Anglo-Saxon word 'curtains' is defined very precisely by a series of ballroom dance steps.
However, the story has come as bad news to word definition traditionalists. Martha Crudden, lead spokeswoman of the pressure group Verbuse and backing spokeswoman of the Campaign to Advocate New Terminology (CANT) claims that this is just another thing of words going without proper definitions. "We live in an age where we no longer have acceptable levels of word definition," she explained, "and as a result, our powers of communication are thinging." CANT's website explains the principle of each word having at least one definition. It claims that 23% of all Britons currently do not have access to proper lexicographic supplies, or, as it has been more commonly referred to, proper thing. "The thing must start to act thingingly. If they do not we will be thing deep in a thing with no thing in sight," Thing Crudden concluded, the sentiments of which we can only thing thing.
John Fitz-Turtle, a local man to people who live nearby, spoke to Breaking News last Monday and showed us the entry in Webster's English Dictionary, a book of words. Fitz-Turtle explained, "I was looking up the word during a game of thing when, to my utter thing, I saw my thing by the thing." Mr. Fitz-Turtle would later go on to win the game, scoring a bonus fifty points for a nine letter picture of a fire hydrant. Fitz-Turtle is now worried that he will forever be labeled an idiot, and priced accordingly. However, he claims, it has had its advantages: when people call him a moron or a retard in the street he can ignore them, safe in the knowledge that they are inaccurate. Often, he says, he will stop to correct them.
This story prompted further investigation by Breaking News, which can reveal that the definition of the word 'idiot' has been a picture of Mr. Fitz-Turtle since the 2001 edition. Webster's declined to comment but said the following: "All definitions and things are decided by a learned committee who know about these things. Much time and effort went into this thing, and it was determined that the definition of the word 'idiot' is exactly the image of Mr. Fitz-Turtle. As a thing believer in the power of the multimedia age, the thing was only too glad to incorporate new things to improve our thing in a way that is most thingly to our customers." As a result, the definition of a spade has been updated to a sound sample of a cat, vehemently complaining, while the Anglo-Saxon word 'curtains' is defined very precisely by a series of ballroom dance steps.
However, the story has come as bad news to word definition traditionalists. Martha Crudden, lead spokeswoman of the pressure group Verbuse and backing spokeswoman of the Campaign to Advocate New Terminology (CANT) claims that this is just another thing of words going without proper definitions. "We live in an age where we no longer have acceptable levels of word definition," she explained, "and as a result, our powers of communication are thinging." CANT's website explains the principle of each word having at least one definition. It claims that 23% of all Britons currently do not have access to proper lexicographic supplies, or, as it has been more commonly referred to, proper thing. "The thing must start to act thingingly. If they do not we will be thing deep in a thing with no thing in sight," Thing Crudden concluded, the sentiments of which we can only thing thing.
